All is Well?

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

I went to a concert at a local church this evening, celebrating their hanging of the green for Christmas. It was lovely, and the music selection was great. But one of the songs' lyrics got me thinking: the song said not to fear and that all is well now that the Christ has been born. The way it was worded, I couldn't help but ask myself, "Really? All is well?"

I look around at this broken world, and I do not see that all is well. There is famine, slaughter, drought, corruption, theft, abject poverty, disease, and so on. Yes, there are many beautiful and wonderful things in the world, too, but clearly all is not well.

The lyrics at the top of this post are from one of my favorite hymns, "It is Well With My Soul." All is not well with the world, but it is well with my soul. Because of a call and my answer many years ago, the God who created the cosmos reigns as King in my heart. That's why it is well with my soul. The kingdom Jesus kept going on about in his parables? The King over it is working to make it a reality in and through me.

The world is not ruled by its true King yet - He allowed Satan a time of power, and that is where we are now. Jesus' birth is good news because his life, death, and resurrection means we have a chance to become citizens of the kingdom of heaven and help bring it to the world. Eventually, at a time only God the Father knows, the Lord will return in power and bring the kingdom with him.

All is well? No. All is not well. But it will be.


Revelation 19:15-20:3a, 21:1-7
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter." He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:

KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

...Then I saw the beast and the kings of the earth and their armies gathered together to wage war against the rider on the horse and his army. But the beast was captured, and with it the false prophet who had performed the signs on its behalf. ...

And I saw an angel coming down out of heaven, having the key to the Abyss and holding in his hand a great chain. He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years. He threw him into the Abyss, and locked and sealed it over him, to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were ended. ...

Then I saw "a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

To Fathers

I reckon this would be more appropriate as a Father's Day post, but it's been on my mind and June is a long way away.

Fathers, love your daughters well. This is important, so I'm going to repeat that for you.

Fathers, love your daughters well.

Fathers, love your daughters well.

You will make mistakes, and she might think you're a doofus or a nuisance, but she needs you. So love her - she loves you.

I'm going to let you in on a secret, fathers; it's the reason why I wanted to charge you with this post. Fatherless daughters have a hole in their lives that never fully heals. At best, it's just an old scar they carry. How do I know? Because I'm one of them.

My parents divorced when I was very young, and I never knew my father. I have no memories of him, and I never saw more than a picture of him growing up. Learning the reasons why my parents split led me to gratitude for not growing up under a man wholly unprepared for fatherhood, but that didn't change the fact that I wanted someone to call "dad."

Now, I was incredibly blessed growing up. My mom is a Christian and raised both me and my sister to see God as our Father, and that was invaluable to me as I matured. Because of my firm foundation and essential relationship with the Father, I didn't become one of the statistics so often associated with fatherless children. All credit and glory to God! But that doesn't mean I was fine, or even that I am now. It just means that my "daddy issues" were covered by God's grace and I didn't act out anywhere near as severely as others in my situation might have. All through my adolescence, I wanted a father figure, someone to look up to. And I was indeed blessed with a number of godly men in my life that I could look up to. However, there was no one I could have seriously called "daddy."

God has been teaching me more about what it really means to have a dad, and what it means to call Him Abba ("daddy"). I got one more piece to the puzzle the other day when I was reading one of my friends' blog posts. At the end of the post, she invited her readers to stop a moment and ask God to tell them what His name is for them. I did, and you know what I heard, almost immediately? "My little girl." Hearing that was such a blessing; it was one of the few times I've been so happy that I cried.

Obviously, there is healing in hearing the Almighty God call me His little girl, but it's also important for me and daughters like me to see fathers loving their little girls. We didn't grow up with it, and you better believe we watch you. How else can we learn what fatherhood looks like with human men (as opposed to abstract concepts of God the Father)?

So, from a girl who knows how much it means to have a loving father, I charge all you men with daughters: Love her well! And make sure she knows she's your little girl.

I'd Like to Thank the Academy...

On October 20, 2012, I officially reached a level I have never gained anywhere else.

Click to enlarge. (Seriously. Do it.)

One thousand pageviews, y'all!! Thanks for clicking on those links I've been shamelessly posting on Facebook!

(Ein tausend, un mil, one thousand... Sorry, just testing out the sound of it.)

I know this milestone is small potatoes for a lot of bloggers, and I'm not writing this one to get my name out there or anything. But it's still a first for me, and therefore well worth the 5 minutes I spent making those pretty fireworks in Paint!

To those of you who have been following along since I first went public with Move Along, a special thank you to you. Your patience is laudable, your tolerance for sub-par writing commendable, and your support invaluable. So, thank you, loyal readers.

Here's to another thousand hits!

Peace.

Out on a Limb

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (Phil. 1:6, NLT)

Sometimes I'm just in awe of how true this verse is, how amazing it is that God continues to work in me, crafting me to be the person he designed me to be.

This past weekend was the Ladies Retreat at my church, and it was absolutely incredible. The Spirit was there, and he was moving each of us toward a more intimate relationship with him. The topic for the 2-day retreat was "A Call to True Community." Specifically, we talked about being vulnerable with each other and actually living with each other as we are. It seems like it's the default for people to put up walls and hide what they're struggling with, and when everyone does that, no one really knows anyone. That's not what community is supposed to be. And if we can't be honest with ourselves in the relatively safe environment of the church family, how are we going to be honest with the rest of the people in our city? The ones who need to see the hope of Christ through us?

The biggest issue I wound up dealing with during the retreat - and the one God has already been working on intensely for a few weeks now - was trust. Trusting other people to share the burdens I tend to carry by myself and trusting God to show up if I step out on a limb when he says to. There's a lot more work to be done in those areas, but that's not discouraging to me; trust is something I'd say at least 90% of all Christians struggle with their entire lives. So at least I'm in good company.

I do want to share a couple stories with you about what God started doing immediately to keep me from backing down once I plunked my life down on the table. Some brief background information so these make sense: The idea of getting up to speak in front of a group doesn't scare me until it's time to actually do it, and even when I am okay with it, my voice still shakes (and my hands and the rest of me) while I'm up in front of everyone. Also, I don't usually initiate conversations with people, especially not with strangers; I'm better about it when it's my friends, but it still takes a conscious effort most of the time.

Alright, so the first awesome thing God did was during our last session of the retreat. It was open mic for us to share with the group of ladies what God's been doing in our lives, where he's leading us next, or whatever. The woman who opened the session started us off, and while she was talking I was thinking of all these cool things I could talk about that God was doing with me. After a few plans of what I could say went through my head, I realized I was thinking about me and not God, and started trying to work out what he wanted me to say. My ideas kind of faded away with that gear shift, and when the woman opened the floor for the next person to come up, I had no idea what I would say. I didn't even know if I was supposed to go up to the mic - I've been in similar situations when I was told not to go up. And as the seconds dragged on and no one was making a move to get up, I struggled. My heart started beating faster, a knot started tying up my stomach, and I kept thinking, "Is it me? Am I supposed to go up?" In the midst of the silent chaos, I heard a "yes," and I stood (already starting to shake like a leaf). I still had no idea what to say.

That's what made that experience so incredible for me. Because I had no idea what I was going to say, I knew God would speak. I wound up talking about something I hadn't really considered all weekend, but that was tied up in my theme of trust, anyway. It was going out on limbs for God, and trusting him to not let me down when I did. I hope the words I spoke helped someone else there; even if they didn't do much, the act itself did a lot for me.

After the retreat ended and everything was cleaned up and put away, I had a brief break before working a night shift at Zoes. And wouldn't you know it? God had plans to put me to work there, too. All the Front of House employees were getting tasks, things they could do to improve areas they weren't as strong in. I found out later that one of my friends was tasked with selling at least 3 sports cups (big, refillable, Zoes cups) per shift for the week. But when the manager for the night called me aside when I came in for my shift, I didn't know what to expect. He told me about the task thing, and said I do really well with the physical aspect of the job - making sure tables are bused and cleaned, running food, etc. - but not so much with making connections and relationships with the customers. Of course not! Why would I start a conversation with a stranger when I had work to do?

I had to smile, though. This manager had hit the nail on the head. And the task he assigned me for the next 3 weeks, starting that Saturday? Start at least 3 conversations with customers, either over the counter or at their tables, for every shift I work. At the end of the shift, recap the conversations directly with the manager on hand or write them down and leave them. I found the whole thing extremely humorous and timely, since I'd just finished attending a seminar on building relationships and community AND talked about going out of my comfort zone when I'm called to do so. The task may have come from the mouth of a Zoes manager, but it was straight from God! And you know what I've found since I started that task? People are really cool. And I hope this assignment will give me the practice I need to do this kind of thing on a regular basis, no matter where I am.

Anyway, that's what God has been doing with me lately. I'm excited to see what he'll do next. :)

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jer. 29:11, NLT)

Warrior Dash Aftermath

My first Warrior Dash is complete. 3.2 miles and 11 obstacles of EPIC. Check it out. (You can click on the images to see them bigger and in theater mode.)

The full course. We were supposed to have 2 more
obstacles - not sure why those were cut.

These are the thumbnails and descriptions for the obstacles we had.
FYI, Hell's Hill consisted of a big, steep hill and ropes to help us get up.

My official time was 46:37, averaging a 14:34-minute mile. Considering all the hills, the obstacles, and my preexisting crummy endurance levels, I call this a win. It placed me in the top third of female participants in the 20-29 age bracket, and in the top 39% of all 3,589 participants. More importantly, it placed me 2nd in the little group of friends I was running with. Pride = satisfied. (Now I can turn my competitive mindset back on myself!)

My clothes got a healthy coating of mud, of which there was plenty. In addition to the mud-specific obstacles, the whole trail was damp from a thorough dousing over an hour before our noon race time. I still need to hose off my shoes (and probably wash them after), but I got the rest of my clothes and my towels clean. Well, sort of. Anything white is now dingy (lucky I don't care). I had to wash that load twice, wiping the dirt out of the washing machine between cycles.

These are officially stained with awesome. (Also known as mud.)

Race bib, mud-stained socks, and finisher's medal.

That medal, while awesome, is not a prize or anything. It's a finisher's medal - we all get one. But, as participation awards go, this one is pretty frikkin' cool.

I prefer "conquered."

Finishers were supposed to get a free turkey leg and a free beer - I promise that's what was advertised at first, despite what the website says now - but we soon found out the turkey leg wasn't free. Oh well. One of my friends bought one anyway, and we all enjoyed our free beers.

Turkey leg! Beer! Fuzzy viking hat!

It was absolutely frigid outside (low 60s). Middle of the day, and I could see my breath, which usually doesn't happen until winter is upon us. Now, before the race, I thought this was perfect. I wasn't too cold, and I knew that cooler weather meant a better run. And I was right - I didn't notice the cold at all while I was running and sloshing through mud, or even when I jumped into some water that, in retrospect, was very cold. But after I finished the race and had a couple minutes to cool down, the temperature hit me hard. Getting dry(er) helped, but I definitely should have brought a sweatshirt and some sweatpants. I'll remember next year, that's for sure! (I wound up wearing the jacket in the picture for a while.)

The Warrior Dash was a lot of fun, and I'm really glad I did it. I'm happy with my time, but I know I can do better. I remember from my Cross-Country days that if you've still got energy left at the end, you didn't give enough in the race, and I could've gone at least another obstacle-laden mile. I did a lot of walking, too, which I discovered I actually didn't need to do much of once I caught sight of my friendly competition (he was jogging along, which meant I had to jog, too). I think I can shave 5-10 minutes off my time next year.

Hopefully there will be a race in Warrior, AL again next year. If there is, I'll have a better idea of how to train for the course. (Lots and lots of hill runs. Bleh.) Until then, I'll keep building strength and endurance! Warrior lifestyle, right? :)

Do or Die: Warrior Dash

The Warrior Dash is this Saturday. Funny how that happens, that whole time thing. It still doesn't feel like it should be coming up so soon.

It's been fun - and remarkably educational - training for the race. For example, I learned several new exercise movements from my solo CrossFit training, and relearned that I push myself harder when there are others around than if it's just me. I also learned that increasing the mileage in my runs every week is pushing the endurance progression too fast. (My knees weren't happy with me for that - they've simmered down mostly by now.)

Had a few revelations while I was running at the Cross Country park, too.

• Controlled breathing and deliberate expansion of the rib cage helps tremendously in having enough breath to keep up your pace. I often found myself running low on oxygen, and it was because I was taking shallow breaths and not actually filling my lungs. Breathing is good for you. Good breathing is even better.
• On any less-than-ideal surface, you have to look down to make sure you don't trip. Watching the ground and thinking about foot placement, though, slows you down. In my push for a faster pace, I discovered that you actually don't need to look at the ground right in front of your feet very much. A quick look is all you usually need to see where the dangers are, and then you can look forward again. (Every time I would look forward instead of down, there was a noticeable increase in my speed.) This related readily to life in my mind: You absolutely need to focus on the present so you can keep up with all the little obstacles in front of you, but only give it as much attention as it requires. Keep your eyes forward as much as possible, and keep the path ahead in your peripheral at all times.
• When my runs started getting longer and I was still pushing for a quick pace, I came up with a mantra for myself: "All you can when you can." It's very easy to settle into an easy jog, but if you pay attention to the energy levels in your body, you usually have more to give. Sometimes I would have to stop and walk, but I found that this mantra kept me in the mindset of getting back to the run as soon as possible, which definitely helped my time.
• Sometimes the will to continue pushing yourself has to be just from you (as with that mantra). But sometimes it helps even more to have someone else there, either in reality or imagination. Having someone else to suffer with, compete with, and (in the narrow and broad sense) run with is invaluable. You can challenge, encourage, and coach each other through the hard stuff.

My most recent lesson from all this, though, was yet another lesson on attitude. My foot injury a few months ago prohibited me from running for a couple months, so once I could run again, I wanted to push myself as fast as I could to be ready. Last week, my goal was to run 3 miles for at least 3 days out of the week, and it did not go well at all. My times were so horrible I won't even mention them, but, based on my average mile time, I won't be able to run 3 miles in under 30 minutes in the near future, even under perfect conditions. When I realized that my training wouldn't be enough to get the results I wanted come race day, well, I wasn't very happy. My pride wants me to be able to keep up with the group I'm running with (surpass them, if I can) in addition to finishing in as short a time as I possibly can (meaning >50 minutes or >hour.) But, after some reflection, guess what simple truth I remembered? It is what it is! So, I decided I'd run that course for all I'm worth anyway. It may be that I'm last in our little group, but there's always a mini-race going on with at least one other person near you. I'll beat someone! And who knows? Maybe I'll surprise myself.

All you can when you can. Do or die. Le's get it, y'all!!

"I Don't Mind, and It Doesn't Matter"

I've heard the phrase "mind over matter" innumerable times, and the distortion of that phrase countless more times: "I don't mind and you don't matter." That's a pretty rude thing to say to someone, in my opinion (whether you actually say it to them or not), but it does make a good point. If something doesn't matter, then why should you mind?

This is where I found myself Saturday morning when my manager called and woke me up from my very busy schedule of sleeping in and asked if I could come wash dishes.

I've washed the dishes at Zoes before. It's not much fun. You come in and there's already a mountain of pots and pans that the kitchen's been using to make the food for the day. Like, carve out your own walking path kind of mountain. Check to see if something's a load-bearing pot/pan before you move kind of mountain.

But, I learned something very valuable from that first time, and it carried over into this venture.

It only sucks as much as you let it.

It's true. Once I realized this really wasn't the worst thing in the world and working extra hours was not a huge inconvenience, the rest of the shift went by surprising well. Not being in a bad mood tends to do that.

Anyway, I took that attitude into work this past Saturday. And guess what? There was still a mountain of pots and pans. But guess what else? It didn't suck. I actually - dare I say it - almost had fun.

Which brings me back to the mind over matter thing. How much do we let things put us in a bad mood? Why should we make things harder on ourselves? It is what it is, and mentally fighting it only makes it suck more than it would if you accepted it.

Are you making something a bigger deal than it has to be? See if you can identify which of your stressful situations can be eased by a mindset adjustment. It's remarkable what can happen when you don't pay it as much mind. And it's certainly not limited to the next time you get stuck doing the dishes!

Move Along

I had the immense joy of taking a mini-vacation to Birmingham for almost 4 days this past weekend. Caught up with friends at the dojo, my old church, and my alma mater, Samford University. It was great to see folks again - I've got a lot of "family" down in Birmingham, and it was high time to pay them all a visit. I hope to do it again soon.

One of my suitemates and close friends from my senior year still lives in the room we had, so I was able to stay on campus with her. My time on campus was the same as it always was, in some respects, but also completely other. When I first drove in the main gates, I displayed my old ID card (which I kept for just such purposes), but I needn't have bothered; as usual, our campus safety barely glanced at it before waving me through.

The drive to my old dorm was surreal. I was driving the old familiar paths, breaking the traffic rules I always used to when I would get on campus late at night, but I was keenly aware that this was not my home anymore. Everything was as it had been while I was there, except me. I was a visitor now. It was a very strange feeling.

The next morning, I got up early and visited a class one of my favorite professors from my major was teaching: Introduction to Philosophy. My professor hasn't changed a bit, and neither has the curriculum material, just me. I still thoroughly enjoyed listening to the lesson - Intro still ranks as one of my favorite philosophy classes - but I know where everything's going, and I'm not going there with the others in the class. No more money on my card for the Caf or the Food Court, no access to the university WiFi, and so on. But I know where everything is, I know who most of the workers are, I know where to park... I know my old home.

I met with my former advisor to chat and catch up, and he described that surreal feeling as being ousted. It's like you've been shut out. I see where he's coming from, and there's definitely that feeling that the world forgot to stop turning while I was away, but I wouldn't say I've been shut out from the world I had in Birmingham, but it doesn't include me anymore. I'm welcome to visit, but I'm not a resident.

The thing that I found particularly interesting about this development in my life is how it affected my sense of responsibility. Outside of those old comfortable places, I'm now responsible for continuing what I started with them. I'm responsible for using what they gave me and making something of myself, to honor their sacrifice and input in my life. I didn't feel that weight when I was in school, because I was still in preparation.

I guess you could think of it as still being in the womb, where everything is still growing and getting ready for the outside world. I'm still learning how to deal with things now that I'm out here, but I think realizing where I am is a step in the right direction.

There's a phrase we use a lot in the Bujinkan (the martial art I study), which means something like, "keep up the good work" or "keep going." The term is used as encouragement, as a promise, as a dedication or a battle cry.

To myself and all the other recent college grads who are out on their own, ganbatte kudosai!!

Who's in Charge Here?

My previous post talked about defending yourself and others in a public, work, or home environment. I concluded with thoughts on coordinating with the people around you so that there's a plan of action in the event that there is a gunman, fire, tornado, or some other emergency. In the process of thinking about communicating with my coworkers and family about plans of action, I came across a little conundrum.

As a young woman who has a basic knowledge of how to defend herself, what is my responsibility to others?

Men are supposed to be the protectors, and they all seem to have that instinct (with the exception of sociopaths). Do I stand aside and allow them to handle the situation, even if I have more theoretical practice with it? (By theoretical practice, I mean practice in a controlled setting versus experience in real life.) Similar situation with my mom. It's just me and her living at home - plus my sister, when she's home from college - but who takes charge when there's an emergency? I have training, but she's the parent.

The first example is primarily subject to gender roles and trust. It's easier to feel where I'm supposed to be when the guys I'm with are ones I train with and trust, the ones I know can effectively protect the ones behind them. With those men, I feel perfectly comfortable letting them take the lead in protection. However, the line is more blurred with guy friends I don't know as well. I don't know what they're capable of or what they'll do under that kind of pressure. With them, my instinct is to either stand alongside them or even in front of them. Should I stand back anyway and take care of anyone behind us? Or take charge and tell them to tend to any others?

The situation with my mom is particularly tricky. She's a very strong woman when she needs to be, and I'm sure she'd want to address a threat to us and keep me out of the way. But whereas she has the maternal protection instincts, I have training. Do I let the mother protect the grown child or do what I can to keep us both safe?

This is confusing for me, so if you have any thoughts on this, I'd appreciate the feedback. Thank you.

Self-Defense and Defense of Others

This past weekend I attended a self-defense seminar. It was an awesome time, and we all learned some very useful principles of self-defense. It got me thinking about some things I can do to improve my own chances out there in the world - mostly just a more tactical mindset for clothing and ideas for good weapons to carry. I still refuse to carry a gun on principle, but I might add an asp (collapsible baton) to my pocket knife for regular carry, if I can pull it off.

One of the things emphasized during the seminar was the issue of legality. You get used to hearing "break the elbow," "kick the head," "clap the ears," and other similar things during normal martial arts training. But laws usually don't look to kindly on that kind of thing, unless you really had no other choice. We were encouraged to check the rules and laws for where it's okay to carry what kind of weapons, too. I'm wearing my pocket knife more regularly when I go out, now, so I decided to check the Zoes employee handbook to see if I could carry it there, too. Turns out I can't. No surprise there, though. I don't think I'd want employees carrying personal weapons, either.

What I did not see were any rules or company policies for if someone comes in to rob the store or just shoot the place up. Common sense is sufficient for the former - just give them the money. Lives are more important than money. But I wanted to know if there was some rule against engaging a gunman, because of the news stories I've heard of employees neutralizing a threat and then getting fired. (Thinking about it now, I don't think I'd care if I got fired in that situation.) When I asked, my manager said there's no rule saying you'll be penalized for engaging an attacker. He also gave me a very strange look for asking a question like that, lol.

I don't know how other companies handle that kind of thing, but it seems to me there ought to at least be some clear guidelines in the handbook in the event that a gunman comes in. Shouldn't that have been covered in some kind of safety training course? And why wouldn't they have a course like that when training new employees? I don't even know what the protocol is for a fire or tornado! I've got a good idea of what I should do for myself, and what could be done to protect the customers, but there's been no employee training on the matter.

Same thing in my own home. I know the drill for tornadoes - you get used to it after a few years - but what about a robber? Or a fire?

It's not difficult to plot out a course of action for yourself in various scenarios, but you still have to practice it. Communicating with your family, friends, and coworkers about what to do in different situations is harder, because you have to coordinate. It's possible that they'll think you're "that guy" who's a little paranoid, but would you rather they not know what to do when something comes up? I'll probably be talking to my manager more about a safety course for employees, for everyone's sake. What will you do?

Just some food for thought.

Fun and Games

I had a lot of fun playing games by myself and with my sister as a kid. It was so much fun just going out in the front yard and playing Indians. (We never bothered with cowboys; we both wanted to be Indians/Native Americans, anyway.) All you needed to entertain yourself was your surroundings and your imagination.

I could go on a tangent about how kids these days don't play outside enough, and how we're slowly becoming zombie slaves to electronic entertainment, but that's not the point of this post. As tempting as that tangent is.

What I'd actually like to talk about is one of the games I used to play when I was sitting by myself anywhere. Looking around me, I would try to come up with analogies to connect what I saw with some aspect of God or our interaction with God. For example, a pillow; we find our rest and comfort in God. Hardwood floor; Christ is the solid foundation we can build our lives on. If I couldn't come up with anything, I could always just say, "God created it."

Somewhere along the way, I stopped playing that game, and it's one I wish I'd kept up with. I still know in my head that everything connects back to God in some way or another, but there's something about actually making those connections for fun that helps it sink in better. When you constantly see things reflecting God, it's easy to stay in constant worship and it's hard to focus inward on yourself.

Formal education seems to be the typical scapegoat for loss of creativity, imagination, and pure thought. I'm very grateful for my education, but it's true that being bogged down with schoolwork is not the best thing for cultivating a fluid, individual worldview. My mind grew at a decent pace, but the spirit I had as a child? Its growth slowed.

The Apostle Paul wrote this to the church in Corinth: "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." In my mind, this connects to something Ludwig Wittgenstein wrote in his first philosophical work: "My propositions are elucidatory in this way: he who understands me finally recognizes them as senseless, when he has climbed out through them, on them, over them. (He must so to speak throw away the ladder, after he has climbed up on it.)"

We all have to climb ladders to reach the next level of maturity in understanding. But the thing about throwing away that ladder once you've reached the destination is to not forget the climb. If you forget what you learned, you're back where you started. I forgot how to see the world like a child who thinks God is awesome and everywhere, and now I'm trying to play catch up. And, God willing, I will catch up.

We grow out of the games we play as children, but the games have meaning. If we forget those, did we really grow up?

Journeys

Yeah, I'm being a total slack-off with these blog posts. But, I have a good excuse for this week! I was gone literally all weekend, then worked a double shift on Monday, and then Tuesday worked another shift, then went to training only a little more than an hour later. Now, though, I've got some time off, and it's time to bring y'all up to speed.

Ready for this?

Nothing interesting happened in the past week.

Except, of course, for the seminar in Indiana. That was friggin' awesome. Only had to take the bus part of the way, and had a fun time riding with a friend the rest of the way. We even made a stop at the Jim Beam Stillhouse on the way up. Pretty cool, actually. We got free samples, too: Basil Hayden and ...Red Stag, I think. Former was 80 proof, latter was 120. I preferred the former.

The weather was phenomenal when we got there. It was, like, 70 degrees!! It felt so amazing after all the summer heat down here in Alabama. The hotel the seminar was hosted in (and where we were all staying) was fantastic. I've never seen a more beautiful hotel. And the breakfast? Dude. That's starting the day off right.

The training itself was awesome, as expected. We had a lot of great teachers, and it was nice to be surrounded by mostly strangers - forced me to train with people I don't know. My brain was fried the first night, trying to wrap my head around some stuff one of the teachers was showing from Japan. Wrapped up with dinner and drinks with a bunch of folks. We literally took over the four corners of the restaurant, haha.

Day 2 started off with some yoga with a couple friends, then a full day of training. I had the privilege of training with someone ranked much higher than myself at one point. That was mind-blowing. I spent the entire time just trying to keep up with the little things he was looking at, and trying not to look as incompetent as I felt. It was one of the highlights of the whole trip; I learned a great deal training with that guy.

I and the girl I was rooming with did an easy CrossFit workout (just cardio) once all the training was done, then got ready for the Saturday dinner. We got there late, but it was so much fun. Everyone got 2 free drinks, there were finger foods available, and the group had an entire room (with bar) to itself for a couple hours. It was awesome just chatting with folks and hanging out.

The party really got going for me, though, when the band came in and started playing. A couple people started dancing on the floor, and it wasn't long before I was down there with them. Whenever I would go to a school dance with my friends, high school or college, I always had a good time. I don't think any of us cared that we couldn't dance well - I sure didn't. It was the same thing on that dance floor. If I look like a goofball while I'm having fun, and it makes people smile, then it's mission accomplished. And it is a lot of fun for me. :) (I don't do ballroom, though. Doesn't keep folks from trying, but... I don't do ballroom.)

Sunday, training wrapped up with the final 3 instructors, and then it was back up to the hotel room to pack up and head south. Had some great conversation with the guy I was riding with, and had time for a few more stops along the way. The bus ride back to Huntsville, once I made it to the Nashville station, was one of the best bus rides I've had so far. Greyhound has these new buses that have wifi on-board, electrical outlets by the seats, and more leg room. Granted, the wifi's not that fast, but I didn't expect too much from it. I was happy just to be on Facebook, with something to do to kill the time!

After that, it's just been the usual: home, work, and training. The week doesn't promise anything else exciting, so Monday's post should be an interesting challenge. We shall see.

Until next time!

Double-Dub Em

Warrior Dash
I'm officially doing CrossFit instead of the strength training program Warrior Dash provides. CF is MUCH easier to keep up with, and I'm still getting a great workout. (Plus, I get to sound all hardcore and stuff. "Yeah, I'm about to go do some CrossFit. *stretch, flex*")

For endurance training, I've been riding my bike to work and to the gym, both of which are about a 10 minute bike ride away from my house. Not much distance, but until I can actually make it up the little hills on those routes, I'm not going to bother biking further. It will be a joyous day when I can run again and actually train for the 5k distance.

Work
One of my female coworkers started teaching me Spanish on the fly while we work, so I decided to let her teach me instead of the cook who originally offered. He's a nice guy, but meeting outside of work so I can learn Spanish? That honestly makes me uncomfortable.

Still training for that shift leader position. Went through closing procedures with one of the managers the other night, and counted down a drawer by myself this afternoon (couple errors, but nothing I can't fix next time). Got some feedback from the main managers today, so I've got some general things to work on, which is good.

Martial Arts
The planning for that seminar is going well. I'm over the hard part, so now it's just advertising and making sure things run smoothly until it's all done. I'm really excited about it! :)

Going to another seminar this weekend. It's up in Indiana, which should be a fun trek. Thankfully, I don't have to ride a Greyhound the whole way - I'm meeting up with a friend and we're riding the rest of the way up together. I'm rooming with one of my good friends for the weekend, and we're gonna have so much fun. Swimming, CrossFit, and training. :) Awww yeeeaaaah.


And that's the news! Now for a random question. :D

What is your favorite aquatic animal, and why?
I love sea turtles. Dolphins and whales are awesome, but sea turtles are freakishly large and live an incredibly long time. Plus they ride the ocean currents, which is just cool. (Okay, maybe I also think of Crush and Squirt.)

"You so totally rock, Squirt! Gimme some fin. Noggin! Duuuuude."

The Adventures of Katalina

The following is an indisputably, undeniably, validated, and 100% true story (possibly).

Presented with the challenge of working 3 days of double shifts, the our dedicated heroine looked Schedule Sheet in the eyes and said, eyes squinted like cowboys in old Westerns, "Is that all you've got? You ain't so tough. Bring it on, Schedule Sheet." And so, she, along with her comrades, buckled down for days stacked upon days of grueling double shifts. Fatigue battered at their resolve - some requested that someone else be found for one or two of their shifts, so that they could rest. But she refused to yield, even when the great and powerful ruler of the land offered to haggle something with the insidious Schedule Sheet. Nay, not even then did she yield. And when the All-Father rewards his faithful servants on Friday, she will reap the benefits of a substantial number of paid work hours.

When Schedule Sheet allowed her a break on Sunday, she knew she had to act fast if she wanted to fraternize with her friends, whom the universe had gathered into one city for the weekend. She rose shortly after the sun and brought her shining, magical steed from its stable; it had been a gift to her family from the gods. It was said to possess the power of 136 horses, and this would be the morning she put that alleged strength and speed to the test. The god-given gift proved its worth, gallantly galloping forth with gusto. (Okay, I'll stop.) Our daring heroine reached her destination with time to spare, despite a late start.


She spent the day studying a fighting style not too dissimilar from her nation's soldiers. Afterward, she again mounted mounted her magical steed and hastened to tidy up and meet her comrades for meat and beer. Twas a marvelous night of friendship and laughter. The next morning, she rose early yet again and galloped forth to reunite with a close friend and his fiancee. The broke fast at a fine establishment known as The Pancake House (not to be confused with The International House of Pancakes), and enjoyed both food and company.


Shortly thereafter, she departed for home. As planned, her arrival allowed her about an hour's time to set her packs down and get ready to return to her work for the Schedule Sheet. She again worked the tiring "double shift," and was so exhausted from the weekend and the day that she was mentally incapable of taking pen to paper to record the events.


~~~~~~

Apparently I'm also incapable of writing the rest of that post in the same manner - at least, not in a timely manner. Started that Tuesday, July 21, I think. It was fun to write, but it's already time for the new one (which is also late). So, here's the fly-by of the rest of what went on.

• Got some amazing time with my family the weekend after the martial arts seminar. Over half my family lives either out of state or out of country, so it was really nice to have everyone together for at least a weekend.
• Sort of started Warrior Dash strength training again. Not very consistently, though. Waking up and working out before work isn't very easy, lol.

And now for the fly-by of what's going on now!

• Haven't had to work any more double shifts. Which is nice, because those are pretty tiring, but they did boost my paycheck nicely.
• Strength training continues to be spotty. Did a CrossFit workout Saturday morning, which went pretty well. Might try and substitute the WD workouts for those.
• My foot is still healing, so I still can't run. But, I discovered that I can do a light jog for at least a couple minutes, and I can also bike. So, I'm going to buy a new bike lock (forgot the combination for the one on it now) and bike to work as often as I can. It's not far away - a mile or less. More fuel efficient, too.
• This past weekend was amazing. Rode a Greyhound bus down to Birmingham, met with a friend, and we continued on toward Atlanta. Six people, myself included, stayed in a 2-bedroom apartment with one bathroom; it was awesome. :)
• I was in Atlanta for another martial arts seminar, this one taught by a highly regarded teacher. I was really looking forward to it, and I wasn't disappointed. I got a lot of notes (more, once my friend sends out the photos he took of everyone's notes, plus the ones we came up with in the car ride back to Birmingham).
• I'm planning a seminar for Huntsville, a repeat of the one I partially attended in Birmingham. It's been a fun learning experience, getting everything together.
• My managers asked me to come in to work 30 minutes early today so we could sit down and talk. Freaked out a little at first, but as I continued to mull it over, trying to figure out what they could possibly want to talk to me about, I had to conclude that it wasn't bad. In fact, it might even be something good; I'm a hard worker, and I do my job well. Turns out I was right. They hadn't recognized me for my work earlier because I was flying under the radar, quietly doing a great job - their words. Sounds right to me, haha. Anyway, they wanted to talk to me about training me as a shift leader. It's more responsibility and higher pay. I'll be learning about what my duties would be and how to do them over the next couple weeks, and I'll let them know if it's something I'd like to do. So, that was an awesome start to my morning. :)
• Oh, and one of my cook friends at work offered to teach me Spanish. Which is pretty awesome. But I have to be on guard, because all those cooks are outright flirtatious. I think it's cultural, but still. I would like to learn real conversational Spanish, though (as opposed to the classroom Spanish I learned in high school).

Sorry this was so late!

Cilybebyll

Hello, all. :) I couldn't think of a post title, so I just kept clicking "random article" on Wikipedia. Here's the corresponding article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cilybebyll


The new job is going well. It's fast-paced, so I don't get bored and stare at the clock. The people I'm working with are helpful and friendly, which is always a plus; even our customers have been friendly so far, even though there almost always seems to be a massive line. I get a free meal every shift I work, which is awesome, because I really do love the food we sell. And, I haven't gotten my paycheck yet (Friday, baby!!), but apparently we start off making $8-something. Which probably doesn't sound like much, but it's incredible to me; every other job I've worked so far has paid minimum wage ($7.25). So I'm excited to be making a little more money! :)

All our hours are going to be in flux these first couple weeks, until we get the hang of how things run and get a feel for what shifts work best for whom. Thursday-Saturday I worked morning shifts, from open until just before dinner rush. I think this week will start off with evening shifts. Which is nice, it gives me time to sleep in, but I hope when things settle down I won't be working a lot of nights. Or at least get to choose which nights I do work. I hate having to miss training. :/

Speaking of training, there's a seminar coming up this weekend that I get to go to! Only for one day, but that's better than nothing. It's going to cover really modern self-defense training, and the guy teaching it is a friend I haven't seen in a long time. Plus, it's in Birmingham, which means I can see all my friends again. :) I'm spending the night in town, too, so I can hang out and then get breakfast with some other friends I haven't seen in over a year.

I finished Crown of Swords a few days ago, and I'll probably pick up the next one (Path of Daggers) tonight or tomorrow. I wanted to wait until I settled in my job a bit before adding another time-sucker. I'm no longer preoccupied with the newness of it, and I'm starting to get those cravings again. Plus, I get the day off tomorrow. So, a late night of enthusiastic reading may be in store for me. :)

Also, as a random side note, I highly suggest Purity Bear Claw ice cream. Dark chocolate ice cream, Denali caramel, and chocolate covered cashews. So yummy.

SURPRISE!!

The title is what I feel like God just did to me. You know how I was saying nothing really exciting was going on? Well, I just got interviewed and hired in the last 2 hours. Seriously! They called me for an interview today around 12, I went in at 3:30, and got the call back at 5. ("They" being Zoes Kitchen, a great restaurant for healthy food fast. They started in Birmingham and finally got one in Huntsville.)

I start training tomorrow and Wednesday, and the grand opening is Thursday. I'm so excited!! I'm finally going to be doing something and earning money!! :D Thank you, God!!!


Now, if you'll  excuse me, I've got to go shout this out to Facebook. :) Peace, y'all!!

It's Summerrrrr

Well folks, not much going on lately. Independence Day is this week, and I'll either be doing something with my family or with some folks at my church (party!!). There'll be some celebration somewhere.

I wound up walking with the boot again for a couple days after my jaunt to Six Flags. I'm back to my wearing the shoes I bought for running now, though. (Those shoes in particular because they're built to support my feet. At least I get to break them in before I get back to running.) I scheduled a follow-up appointment with the doctor who saw me the first time. It's not for another couple weeks, but I'll be calling the doctor's office regularly to see if he's got an opening some time sooner. For now, my self-diagnosis is that it's not a simple strain; I think it really is a fracture, and there are some strained tendons/ligaments in my ankle. That's my self-diagnosis. I'm seriously considering getting back to just a little bit of training, and just where the boot for it. It's cumbersome and heavy, but if my foot isn't harmed by it, why not? It would be a challenge, too, trying to work out footing and all that jazz, since I wouldn't be as mobile.

It was crazy hot outside when I went out to get job applications - I think it got up to 105 that day. I got a couple paper applications, applied to Publix at their application kiosk, and wrote down a lot of websites for other places' applications. I'm still working my way through those, but I'm glad there's such a nice-sized net I can toss and still be within 5 miles of my house. (Applications are still tedious though, haha.)

I didn't mention it last time, but I finished Lord of Chaos and moved on to the next book, Crown of Swords. It's a good thing I've already got almost the entire series (missing the most recent book), because I hate having to wait to go on once my brain is ready to keep reading! There's gotta be at least a couple hours rest to decompress and process what just happened, but once that period ends, I've got to have the next book. Bookworm to the end!! :D

I helped out with the youth group again last night. I haven't said anything official, but one of the leaders has already put me on the list of helpers/leaders. I don't mind in the least - I don't intend to go anywhere. The kids are amazing, and it's so cool to hear their input and to witness them learning and growing. They're doing a study on Biblical manhood and womanhood, and I'm so glad. They all have great role models in their parents, but you can't solidify these lessons enough. It's imperative that they learn what it means to be men and women of God, what that looks like in everyday life. I wish I'd gone through this study or one like it when I was in youth group, but I'm glad I still learned most of what the study's going over and that I get to learn a little more with the kids. God's going to do great things with these kids and teens.

That's all I got for now! Have a great week and a fun, safe Fourth of July. :)

Six Flags!

Sorry for the belated post. I wound up making very last-minute plans to go to Six Flags with my church's youth group as a chaperon, and I didn't get back until too late at night to do much before collapsing in bed. We had a blast, though. I hadn't spent much time around the youth before then, and I'm glad I had the opportunity yesterday. We've got some great kids, and I'm excited to see them grow in maturity as they learn more about what it means to be followers of Christ.

Six Flags was a ton of fun. I'd only been once before, and only been on 2 roller coasters then. I rode just about everything this time. I wanted to give Superman a try, but I heard it's a long wait for a short ride that isn't quite worth the wait. The girls in the group I was walking around with (along with 2 other chaperons, older and more familiar with being youth leaders) were keen to ride lots of roller coasters, so we didn't skip many of the others.

My favorites were Daredevil Dive, Goliath, Mindbender, and the Great American Scream Machine (there's a reason it's still around!). Also, being in the front is awesome. When you're in any of the other rows, you always see the seats and heads in front of you; the stationary view is too orienting. In the front row, you see the hills, curves, and everything else, and sometimes you see nothing but air - it's awesome. After riding so many coasters and feeling everything drop out from under me so many times, I might even be ready to ride Acrophobia next time I go, or the Space Shot at the Space and Rocket Center here in Huntsville!

A few of us tried one of the games in the park, the one where someone tries to guess your age, weight, or your birth month. I played it last time I went, and won; I don't remember if she tried to guess my age or weight, it might have been both. This time, I asked the guy to guess my age, capitalizing on the tendency everyone has to undershoot my actual age. The rules allowed him a 2 year margin of error, and he was off by 4 - he guessed I was 18. (Not nearly as bad as other guesses I've heard before.) At the prompting of one of the girls, I chose a plastic scepter that lights up in different patterns as my prize. I had a lot of fun carrying that around; kept feeling like I should make declarations or something, haha.

My foot was not pleased with me for walking around and standing in lines for so long, though. I wore the boot on the ride there and back, and I was thankful for it - my foot is not as healed as I thought it was. I probably set myself back a little with that decision, but I count it worth the discomfort today. Not just because the rides were fun, but because this youth group is incredible and I'm really glad for the opportunity to invest in their lives. I was there Sunday night for their Bible study, and I plan to keep attending those to help the leaders and to keep investing in these kids' lives. (Still, after some convincing, I have decided to schedule a follow-up appointment with the doctor. Maybe there's something they can do that will help my foot heal better and faster.)

As far as the job front goes, I've got a couple active applications with Huntsville Hospital and one application for a part-time job at a small coffee shop. I was going to aim for only full-time work (and any freelance proofreading I could get, which is still the case), but I've got to earn money somewhere, and I know part-time places are always wanting to hire people who won't be gone when the school year starts. I've just got to mark out a day and go out for the rounds of collecting applications.

That's all for this update. Peace out!

Daredevil Dive - check out that drop!!

Goliath - my ears actually popped going up the first hill!

Twilight Zone

Time is probably the most bizarre phenomenon ever. Supposedly it just moves forward, but I swear it speeds up, slows down, stalls out, and even goes backward! Maybe all those time warps we experience aren't just figments of our imagination, maybe we've grossly misunderstood the concept of time. I say that because my weeks have started to run together. I know there was one that seemed to take forever, and it feels like there was another that zoomed by, but I can't tell which was which or if there even <i>were</i> two weeks. Maybe I wandered into the Twilight Zone??

Look at that face. He knows something.

Anyway, here's what's new.

Entertainment
I finally finished my second time through Avatar: The Last Airbender. Still incredibly epic, and still worth more re-watch marathons! I caught up on Legend of Korra, the follow-up series, too. I had to skip one episode because it had already been bumped off the website, but I don't think it was too terribly vital. At least I hope not! It's a good show, and I like the flashbacks to older versions of the original characters, but so far it's not as impressive as the original series. I think it might just be too early to tell what point the series is going to try to make; everything is still building.


Lord of Chaos continues to be awesome. It's not constant excitement or anything - none of Robert Jordan's books are - but there've been some mid-story plot twists that have really shocked me! Everyone I've spoken to who's read the book before has just smiled as they remembered whatever epic ending lies ahead for me, saying two words: Dumai's Wells. I still have no idea what that means, but I know there's a battle, and I'm excited to read through it! Only about 300 more pages until that specific chapter - it's the last one in the book. (I'm about halfway through the book, by the way, to give you an idea of why it's taking my so long to read it.)

Le Foot
The giant ankle brace thing has been great. It does exactly what it's supposed to, and my foot is benefiting from that. The swelling went away after a few days, but there's still a good bit of soreness and tenderness. I've done a little prodding and some comparisons between my two feet, and it does feel like the really tender part isn't bone, although putting pressure on certain bones is uncomfortable. Ligaments connect bone to bone, so I'm still hoping the doctor was right and it's just a ligament strain. This coming Friday will mark 2 weeks since the incident; I'm hoping my foot will be healed up either in this week or next. Even if it's not improved, though, I doubt I'll go back to the doctor. No sense in paying for another x-Ray when I'd already be halfway through the recovery time for a fracture; the ankle brace works fine and I'd rather not trade it for a cast, even for a couple weeks. (Besides, I've got a record of no broken bones to maintain!)

I'm able to walk around in my running shoes without too much of an issue - they've got good support in the arches to help my running stride, which means I can continue walking almost entirely on my arch (the most comfortable way to walk with the bum foot) and I'll still get some support. Feels good to wear a matching pair of shoes. :)

Job Search
The Huntsville Hospital is one of the biggest employers in Huntsville, and I got an interview/evaluation for an Admissions position (thanks to a 2nd degree connection with someone I've never met). It went well, I think. I just need to get an application in on their site, which is proving more difficult than expected. But it's gonna happen, I guarantee it.

In the mean time, I'm still cat-sitting for a friend, got a small proofreading job later in the month, and I've been pressure washing for my granddad. The cat-sitting is going alright. She's a sweet cat, but there's definitely some tension between her and our 2 cats. We do our best to run interference when it looks like the fur might literally fly, which isn't too often, thankfully. The proofreading job is with my former advisor and professor; he'll contact me when his paper's ready for me to go through it. I'm pretty excited about it, since it will be my first time getting paid to proofread! The pressure washing is really tedious, but I like watching the dirt disappear as though I'm dragging a super-strong eraser over it. :D

Father's Day & Birthday
Yesterday was a double celebration of Father's Day and my birthday. I turned 22, and my granddad continued to be an awesome father to his daughters and father-figure to his granddaughters. We had lunch together at my grandparents' house. I didn't ask for anything, so we both just opened cards, which was nice. :) Talked with one of my friends on the phone for a while - I'm teaching him some German, and it was a lot of fun for me to go through pronunciation stuff with him. Knocked some of the rust off my own reading skills. Snuck in a quick nap before heading out for Sunday training, taking advantage of my free Starbucks birthday drink (green tea frap, ftw) on the way. And despite still having to sit out and take notes, it was a great class. :) One of my Birmingham dojo friends came up to train. It was great to see him again, and it was fun to watch the other guys training try to wrap their minds around the new things he brought. I got some good notes out of it, too.

All in all, it was an excellent birthday. :)


That's probably a good place to stop. Time to put my nose back in my book and reenter the Twilight Zone! Peace.

X-Rays

I got a call this morning with the X-ray results. They didn't see any fractures. :) That doesn't completely rule out the possibility that there is a fracture, but the fact that they didn't see one is encouraging to me. So, I'll spend the next couple weeks walking around in the boot and, if it's a ligament strain as the doctor thinks, then I should be feeling much better by then. If it seems like nothing's changed, I'll schedule another X-ray to see if the fracture shows up. My guess, though? It's a ligament strain and maybe a bone bruise. Hopefully I'm right. :)

Growing Pains

Apparently I just had to call life out on that conspiracy thing, because it seems to have let off for now. Ha! Take that, life!! (Du-dunuh-du, dunuh, dunuh, can't touch this.)

Entertainment
I'm neck deep in a marathon of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm about halfway through season 3, and loving every minute. It's so great to revisit these episodes and remember all the little things that made me love this show. :)

I'm also making decent headway on Lord of Chaos. I'm in a bit of a race with one of my friends (who's on book 2, whereas I'm on 6; I had a solid head start), so there's extra motivation to keep pushing forward.

Growth
I was recently challenged to get involved in some sort of service ministry - tutoring, serving food, that kind of thing - and to do a Bible study with one or more of my friends who are around my age. So, I decided to volunteer at the Manna House, which is where some people I know from my church serve. The Manna House is run by a local church and provides food, clothing, hardware, and toiletry items for free to families in need. I first heard about them when the tornadoes hit last year and so many people needed food and supplies. It was great volunteering with them, and I hope to go back soon. All the people volunteering there are so incredible, and I think I'd really like getting to know them better and to serve alongside them.

As for the Bible study, I've been really interested in learning more about the Holy Spirit lately. One of the best books out there right now on the subject is The Forgotten God by Francis Chan. I asked one of my friends from church if she would be interested in doing a study on it with me, and she agreed. We're meeting tomorrow for the first section in the study. I'm pretty excited about it. :)

Warrior Dash
Last week was my first strength training week. I'm still not sure if I'm reading the workout log right, but it's working, either way. The workouts aren't impossible, but they are definitely challenging. Looking forward to getting in shape and building up some muscle again!

I decided not to do any running this past week; I wanted to wait for my new running shoes to come in. They came in on Thursday and I ordered some inserts, which came in the next day. They feel pretty good, and I'm looking forward to taking them out for a spin.

There's a playground and an amphitheater up on the mountain (which is also where I run, sometimes), so I went up there one afternoon to see what kinds of exercises I could create that might better simulate the obstacles I'll be facing on the course. It was pretty fun climbing up and down ladders, running up slides, swinging across monkey bars, and so forth. The amphitheater was an especially good workout; lots of jumping, balanced running, and leaping. On my way back to the car, I saw some large rocks lining the parking lot, and figured it'd be fun to try and jump from one to the other. Dumbest idea ever.

Foot Injury
I landed my first leap fine for about one second, then my left foot slipped or something and my ankle rolled out, causing me to fall. It hurt quite a bit, and I spent about a minute just kneeling on the ground waiting for my foot to stabilize and get over the initial shock, so I could better gauge the severity. (I wasn't that rational about it at the time. It was more like, "Oh no! Just be still and maybe it'll stop hurting.") When that subsided, I stood up and tested to see if I could put weight on my foot - I could, but it hurt too much to take a proper step. Good thing I was already in the parking lot, because my car was maybe 100' away, and I could easily hop over there. I started elevating it and putting cold things on it as soon as possible, and continued that protocol when I got back home. There were 2 distinct lumps the first night, but they've since melded into one.

See that big reddish bump? The other bump is
smaller and directly below it. This was the
first night.

We decided not to go to the ER that first night, and to just wait and see what would happen. We've got some crutches on hand, so I used those over the weekend to get around. They're not that bad, really. I learned pretty quick how to maneuver corners, stairs, slopes, and various directions. It does get tiring after a while, though.

I went to the doctor today, and he thinks it may be a ligament strain, which was great news to me. We were looking at web articles and thinking it might be a fracture - which hasn't been ruled out - and fractures take at least 6 weeks to heal. But a strain would just take a couple weeks! The sooner I can heal up and get back to training (both martial arts and for Warrior Dash), the better. I went and got some X-Rays to rule out the fracture; the results will be in tomorrow morning, and I'll update once I know the verdict. Even then, though, it might be too soon for the fracture to show up, so if it hasn't mostly healed in a couple weeks, I'll go back in for another X-Ray to see if the fracture shows up then.

For now, though, I got this fancy walking boot! I can walk around and have both my hands free!! :D

So stylish!

The area of the injury is still pretty sore when I put weight on my foot in certain ways, and that foot's had a lot more activity today than it has all weekend. I'll keep up the ice and elevation as needed, but it's really more "very uncomfortable" than full-on pain, which I'm grateful for. Here's hoping it's just a ligament strain!!


That's all for now. I'll post an update tomorrow once I know the results of the X-Rays. TTFN, ta-ta for now! :)

Conspiracy, I say!

For whatever reason, I've been incredibly busy the past 2 update days for my blogs. Which is really kind of strange, when you consider that the other 5 days of the week, I've got basically nothing going on. So, I've concluded that life is possibly conspiring to make my decision to blog more of a challenge to stick with.

BUT I SHALL NOT YIELD.

Nay, though updates may come late, or may be short, or any other number of other descriptors indicating that posts will be any degree less than what they have been the past few months, I shall continue to update this blog!!

My resolve is steadfast and immovable!!

That being said, let's get to some updates, shall we?

Warrior Dash
     A couple of my friends recently posted excited links to this event on Facebook and G+. I went and checked it out, and it turns out the Warrior Dash is a 5K/obstacle course sponsored by St. Jude Children's Hospital! I've known some people who've had to go get treatment at St. Jude, and I strongly support their mission. Plus, I kind of wanted to get back into running, and this gives me a goal to work toward.
     But the thing that roped me in and left me no choice but to climb aboard the awesome train was the obstacle course. There are 14 different obstacles to go through along the 5K path, things like climbing, crawling, swimming, and leaping over things that are on fire. It's going to be such an amazing challenge, and I am psyched to run this thing.
     I don't hope to run for any sort of admirable time - finishing in an hour or less is all I ask of myself. But even that modest goal requires some training and prep work, so I did some hunting on the official website and found 3 different training schedules for the different levels of athlete (couch potato, mildly athletic, psycho athlete; I'm in the middle). The cardio part is a lot of running - no surprise there - and the strength training is pretty much everything. I started the latter program this morning, and I'll start the cardio once I get my new running shoes in. (I [accidentally] ran 4 miles on some mountain trails last week, and I was in my old pair of tennis shoes; I was limping a little by the time I finished. No more running until I get some shoes with proper support!!)
     If you're interested in signing up or maybe just checking things out, here's the official website: http://warriordash.com/ Oh, and there'll be a turkey leg and a free beer once you finish. :)

Job Hunt
     I'm still looking for work, but I've got 2 side jobs lined up. I'm taking care of a friend's cat for a couple weeks while he's out of town, and at the end of June I'll be proofreading a professor's paper. So at least there'll be some extra income while I search for a more permanent job.

Random
- I finally got on board with Pinterest. I can see how people would lose hours on it. Just scrolling through the "humor" pins took up a lot of my time last night. But, I am finding a lot of great recipes. Which is great because...
- I'm expanding my cooking repertoire. I made a few things during the semester when me and my friends would get together for dinner. I'm trying to build up a good stack of meals and snacks so that I'll actually be able to feed myself and others without shelling out hard-earned money on nasty ol' fast food.
- Some people at my church are going to be volunteering at the Manna House this Thursday night. I'm going to join them, and use this as a time to see if I should start plugging in there as a ministry.
- Re-watching Avatar: Last Airbender on Netflix (love that show!!) and just started watching the new series, Legend of Korra. So far it's pretty good.
- Still slogging my way through Lord of Chaos. It's a great read, it's just taking me forever.
- That cat I'm watching for the next 2 weeks? Yeah, she's a straight up ninja. We can't find her anywhere in the house! And she's not out in the garage, which is the only place she could've gone if she slipped outside a door. I'm not worried about her, but I sure would feel better if she turned up. Guess there'll be some sort of ruckus tonight when the cats find each other.

Alright! That's all I've got. See you next week!

Memorial Day

I don't have any ornate words with which to commemorate the fallen soldiers and those who continue to serve. All I have are two poems and an exhortation to remember those who've sacrificed everything for your many freedoms. That's all I can say, really: remember.


"The Unknown Soldier"
by Roger J. Robicheau

You need not ever know my name
This unknown soldier seeks no fame

I'm here to bring out thought from you
May your heart see more than your view

America, we marched with pride
We gave our life, for you we died

How well we knew the time might come
When life could sound that final drum

Please think of us as life moves on
We tried so hard till that last dawn

Do let our spirit fill the land
Pass treasured freedom, hand to hand

God blessed this country with such love
Hold in your heart, abundance of

And when you stand before my grave
Think not of one, but each who gave

------------------------------------------------


"We Must Remember"
by Rev. Connie Gibbs

We pause on this Memorial Day, a brief moment in time,
To bring close to our hearts those memories we hold so dear
Of the men and women before us who unselfishly put their dreams, their lives on the line.
Where danger lay as a stalker,
waiting to take away each breath, while the soldier
plowed with determination the furrows of death.

We must remember, we must, you and I,
those special heroes who chose to fly,
to fly the skies of blue that turned as dark as the midnight sky,
Their wings began to shudder as smoke choked their breath away,
And hope gave way to the resignation, "Today, I'm going to die."
Treading the waters so deep and wide,
Men and women continued on their mission,
For God and country, their hearts would abide.
Surprised by attacks with brutal disregard for human life,
they fought to the end, knowing that life and limb would be lost,
whether of self or friend.

Yes by land, by sea, and in the skies,
they fought for our land,
they fought for freedom so that you and I might stand,
Stand for what is right, for what is good and true,
fight that we might say without fear, "God loves you."

Yes, we must remember, for freedom is not cheap,
for lives and limbs were lost so that we might keep,
All the things that we can have and all the things we can do,
Like cars and boats and a house with a roof,
Like going to church without fear,
and reading the Bible where we find the truth,
The truth of knowing that whether we are red, yellow, black,
or white,
We are all God's children and we need to learn to love one another as God first loved us.
For if there is to be peace on earth,
where all men and women are free,
it must begin with each and all of us,
let it begin with you and me.

Bonus Post

I wanted to make a separate post for this update, aside from the one that will come on Monday. See, we put my dog down on Thursday, and I don't want to leave that be without getting some thoughts out there, but talking about death in a general update doesn't sit well with me. (That being said, this will indeed be a post about my dog's death. And, as usual, you don't have to read it if you don't want to; I'm just voicing my thoughts on what happened.)

First off, I'm fine. She had a long life, she was sick and in pain and almost completely blind. She probably would have died soon on her own, but we did her a mercy by bringing her in so that she wouldn't have to die in pain. While losing her did make me sad for a time, the experience of her death is what impacted me the most. Digging the little grave in the backyard, sitting with her and my mom as we wait for the vet, the unnatural - yet perfectly natural - stillness, shoveling dirt back into the hole, dumping out food and water... It's almost surreal.

The whole thing was very somber for me. The digging was almost entirely in silence, except to ask if it was big enough. Digging a hole, by the way, is hard work - something I appreciated as a way to focus without thinking. But I couldn't really get away from the knowledge that my dog, asleep in the garage, would be lying in the finished hole in less than an hour. Such an unusual mindset to be in. Not necessarily negative or even emotive, just unusual. It was a similar experience about an hour later when I lowered the little cardboard coffin into the earth, my mom standing with me. Hearing the dirt hitting the cardboard was a little eerie.

The mindfulness that was present in every little action and movement was only half of this entirely new experience. Dying and death was the other half.

In the weeks and months preceding my dog's death, as her health took serious turns for the worse, I would sometimes look at her and imagine what it would look like if her chest simply stopped rising - if she stopped breathing. Even now, the thought of an animal I've seen alive not breathing brings another thought: "This isn't natural." But it is natural. Circle of life and all that, right? Still, knowing the inevitable does not make the actual event any less bizarre. It feels like breathing things should continue breathing. Maybe that's the original way of things, before the curse of death.

I don't really know how to express the oddity of seeing the life leave something, and the lies eyes tell ("she's just sleeping"). I guess you have to see it. And I can't even imagine what it would be like to experience this with another human instead of a pet or an animal.

I could try to come up with some poignant statements about death and dying, but I'm pretty sure they'd end up being nonsense. So I'll just leave off with this: Death is the weirdest natural phenomenon of them all.

Endings and Commencement

Wow. What a week. I don't really know where to start, so I guess I'll go for my usual approach: rough timeline.

Finals went well. It was kind of crazy, what with grading movie reviews and two class's finals, but luckily none of my finals were very demanding, so I didn't have to spend too much time studying. EXCEPT for my orals. I spent almost every free hour studying for those, right up until the oral exam itself. I'm so glad there were 5 of us to spread the talking load. The goal of the exam is to gauge whether we can converse freely and knowledgeably about the philosophical topics and concepts we've learned. And me? I don't converse well. Especially under pressure. So having other people there to take the bulk of the conversational load until I could relax a little was very welcome. (It went fine overall, by the way. I checked my old senior seminar grade, and it didn't go down, so I guess I made an A!)

The president of Samford, Andy Westmoreland, hosted a reception at his home. His house is EPIC. I don't think I've ever been in a house that big, that nice, that immaculate and people actually live in it. I seriously walked in and thought, "This house could be a museum." It definitely has enough interesting, random side rooms, and I bet there are enough hidden things. He's got a pretty awesome view of campus, too. After the reception was the last Shiloh of the year, just for seniors. (Shiloh, if I haven't mentioned it before, is a campus worship service that I fell in love with back in my freshman year. It's another blessing Samford's provided for me.) It was a small gathering, and the message the speakers gave was much needed.

The breakfast-for-dinner at my friends' apartment was so much fun. We all had things to do the next morning, so we didn't stay very late. And we were pretty busy eating delicious pancakes and bacon and reliving old memories to play music, but that's fine by me. We had a blast. :) (And those pancakes were perfect. Blueberry, chocolate chips, plain, and even some made with Nutella in the batter!!)

Training was pretty awesome, too. We've been working on some things that are really challenging for me, so it's been extra fun. Plus, there's just something special about looking around at the people you've spent so much time with and seeing them for the blessings they are. I guess it's the way things go, that you don't really look at the relationships you've been blessed with until you know things are about to significantly change. Might not be a bad idea for me to take that perspective more often. Anyway, I was so happy to spend another week training with these awesome people. Got to hang out for post-training dinner and beer at On Tap on Monday, too. :)

Commencement was... incredible. Seeing my closest friends in their caps and gowns, my professors in their doctoral regalia, receiving and giving congratulations and nervous/excited smiles while we wait in the halls. Walking in and knowing that everyone in the arena is there for one of the hundreds of students around me, and that some of them are there for me. Walking across that stage, shaking the President Westmoreland's hand, and receiving my "certificate of participation in commencement" (the real diploma comes in the mail soon) - THAT was incredible. And I know the rest of the audience probably tuned out after their student's name was called, but it's a different story for those of us down on the floor. I still had more friends to watch for, to silently cheer for, and to smile for. This was our day.

The speakers encouraged us and the rest of the audience to leave that place and be a force of positive change in the world. No place is the same after you've been there, but I hope I help spark at least one big reaction for the kingdom of God. Paul wrote this to the Corinthians: "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Cor. 10:31) I'm not certain about the specifics of what I'll be doing, but as long as it's done for the glory of God, I know I'll be doing something worthwhile. That's all I can really ask.

Finals Week

The past week has basically been prepping for finals. Which start today. So not much was going on school-wise that was of any interest - just meeting up to study and spending hours in the darkroom making prints.

Really, the interesting stuff is all happening this week. And since I obviously can't go into details about that, since they haven't happened yet, I'll just give you the hectic rundown of what it is I'll be doing. (If you're not interested, now would be a good time to close the tab or window.)

This past Friday:

1. Pick up movie reviews to grade for the philosophy professor I work for,
2. pick up a gift from the [philosophy] department for graduating and for working with them this semester,
3. meet my pastor to chat,
4. and meet my other philosophy female friend to study.

Today:

1. Present my photography portfolio at 10:30am,
2. finish and return movie reviews,
3. meet same friend for more studying,
4. write last reflection paper for Human Sexuality,
5. training in the evening.

Tuesday:

1. Study with same friend one more time (it's a big test),
2. start studying for Human Sexuality and Sociology of Medicine (maybe?),
3. reception for seniors at the president's house,
4. Shiloh service specially for seniors (really looking forward to this).

Wednesday:

1. GAME TIME. Take oral review section of the philosophy senior seminar. It's 5 graduating (or soon-to-be-graduating) philosophy seniors conversing with the 3 professors about basically every key thing we ever learned. Takes about an hour and a half. I'm not worried about passing, but I do want to do well.
2. Pick up one class's finals from the philosophy professor I work for, and go grade them asap.
3. Study for Human Sexuality and Medical Sociology (for real this time).
4. Pick up cap and gown (oh goodness).
5. Breakfast for dinner with all my sweet girls! Still don't know what I'm gonna bring to this, but we're all supposed to bring some breakfast item. ...Probably fruit. :) I'm so excited about this. I get to see all my friends and have fun and play ukulele while my other friend plays her guitar... It's gonna be awesome!! :D
6. Probably study a little bit more.

Thursday:

1. Human Sexuality final at 8am,
2. Medical Sociology final at 10:30am,
3. pick up that professor's other class's finals and grade THOSE asap (I need money!!),
4. go celebrate on the Quad, perhaps,
5. early dinner with my suitemates at Flat Top Grill (should be quite tasty),
6. training.

Friday:

1. Prayer breakfast in the cafeteria from 7:30-9,
2. start packing!!,
3. Mom comes in late afternoon,
4. dinner somewhere.

Saturday:

1. This is it. Graduation day. Line up is at 9am.
2. 10-12, commencement ceremony.
3. Late lunch with the family afterward.
4. Load up and go home.

And Sunday I guess I'll go to church, unpack a little, maybe cry a little, but mostly praise God that He gave me the opportunity and the means to graduate college with flying colors. It's gonna be a dang busy week, but I can manage it if I act wisely. I'll probably rehash and flesh out the highlights next Monday. (I'll be a college grad this time next week!!)

Millstone or Milestone?

College students get asked a lot of the same questions over and over. What's your major? What do you want to do with that? (In my case, Are you going to teach?) We endure it with as much good humor as we can. After all, we ask the same things of ourselves and each other.

The most recent question I've been getting has been "How do you feel about graduation? Scared? Excited?" The first ten times or so someone asked me that, I had to stop and think because I honestly didn't know. I don't know what to feel. It was pretty much the same when I graduated high school: I wasn't particularly excited or depressed, it was just something that was happening. But this time I'm actually leaving behind friends I have grown to love and, probably the most bizarre thing of all, I'm not coming back to school.

I've been in school since I was 5. (Earlier, if you count preschool.) I'm 21 now, and I know almost nothing outside of school. I can't quite wrap my head around the fact that when August rolls around, I won't be packing up and coming back to Samford. One of my friends and I were talking about this, and we decided that graduation wouldn't really sink in until that time came and went and we're still working at whatever "big girl" jobs we've managed to get. Graduation is aptly named commencement - I will be commencing an entirely new part of life.

Newness and change bring uncertainty. I think it's that uncertainty that causes people to be afraid; I certainly don't care for it. One of my acquaintances asked me yesterday what the next couple weeks - my last couple weeks - looked like for me. I told him I'd basically be doing what I'd been doing, plus some studying. He smiled and offered his interpretation of "what I've been doing": "Living in fear and panic?" I was stunned he would say that, but I guess it's what people expect. I told him, "No. I'm not afraid. There's a lot of uncertainty, yeah, but I'm not afraid." He seemed to ponder that for the brief remaining moments before we parted ways. I hope he remembers it.

When I shared the experience with my friend over dinner, she said after some thought that it was a blessing to not be afraid. It is a blessing, but why should any of us be afraid? We don't know what's coming next, in most cases. We don't know whether it's bad (causing fear) or awesome (causing excitement). I think most of us are just nervous we're going to screw something up. We won't get a job, we'll be crippled by student loans, the economy will plummet again, we won't be able to keep up with bills and rent, and we make all the wrong choices. That would definitely suck, but there's no way to know that's going to happen. Thousands of college grads have gone through this already, and they've made it through somehow. That tells me a couple things: 1) it's not all bad, 2) there will be people who understand and will help, 3) you can always move on from mistakes. I've got a very black and white mentality (either this was done right or wrong), so that last lesson is particularly important for me.

One of the other emotions people ask if I have about commencement is sadness. Again, the whole situation hasn't really sunk in yet; it still feels like I'm going to come back after the summer and see everyone again. However, this is the one emotion that I have enough information to accept. I may not know enough about my future to be afraid, but it's starting to hit home that I'm leaving people behind, people I'll probably see again, but never again like when I was at school. My school friends will either stay in Birmingham or go back to their various states, wherever they live, and I'll probably only see them through Skype, which doesn't even come close to cutting it for me. (Better than nothing, though.) My dojo friends I'll definitely see again, because there'll always be some workshop or seminar to go to; it'll just be weird to know that I'm not leaving them for just a summer.

If I weren't so wary of taking steps in the dark, I'd probably be really excited about graduation/commencement. Unformed possibilities, the potential to do great things for God and for others, plus the sheer amount of new opportunities... Those are all things to be excited about, and when I'm calm, I am a little excited (paradox?). But then that whole I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-or-where-I'm-walking thing comes up again.

To answer the question of how I feel about graduation, I feel anticipatory, sad that I'm leaving dear friends behind, somewhat excited about the newness of what's coming, and, above all, unafraid.