Mad World

The business of defending yourself is a necessity in today's world. But that doesn't mean I like the idea.

I'm a martial artist, training in an art that is designed to significantly improve your chance of survival in a real-world conflict. I'm also a peaceful Christian. I like to horse around with my friends, but I don't want to hurt people. It is never my intention to harm.

So I find myself in an uncomfortable position when faced with a self-defense or defense of others scenario. As soon as I put myself in that situation mentally, even though it's just a training exercise, I always feel the aggression kick in. That "you shall not pass" feeling permeates my body, fills my mind, and galvanizes me. It's not usually fueled by anger or pride - though I can't rule those factors out for future scenarios - yet I find myself wondering in the aftermath, "Why?"

Why does it have to be this way? Why would someone come up to me and try to rob me or rape me? Why do I take every chance I get to tell my girl friends to at least take a self-defense class?

The answer is simple, and it breaks my heart: This world is broken.

I firmly believe that it was never supposed to be this way. Crime and violence are not hardwired into us. No, instead we all have some barrier that has to be crossed or simply removed. It's called a conscience. No one becomes a criminal overnight - they have to gradually desensitize themselves to the idea of using violence just to get what they want. That tells me that there is something to desensitize. This gives me hope, but it also makes me grieve for the thousands of criminals who've buried their conscience, some of them so well that they may never get it back.

What would possibly possess a human to go through this desensitization, anyway? Selfishness. There are several factors that could be listed, but I'm willing to bet money (poor college student money) that they all boil down to being solely concerned with oneself. Everyone else is just someone to exploit to get what you want. (Remember, I'm thinking of hardened, career criminals and anyone committing armed crimes. I do think there are people who commit crimes because it seems to be the only way to accomplish a good thing, but they are not the subjects at hand.)

I believe that this ability to think of ourselves is a side effect of having free will ("What do I want? What do I feel?"). And when we become the lord of our own lives, centering everything around our wants and desires, we lose something. But when we freely choose to order our lives in service to others, something is gained. What is it?

Love.

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself."
"No greater love has man than this, that he would lay down his life for his friends."
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength."

Saint Augustine describes the Trinity in terms of love. The Father is the lover, the Son is the beloved, and the Spirit is the power of love. The important thing about this illustration is the dimensions it highlights. Two people loving each other will be in a world of their own. We've all seen this with new couples, I'm sure; they seem to suddenly forget there's a world around them. The third person of the Trinity directs this love outward, so that it both pours out onto others and draws others into it. "Love" is not complete until there is an outward motion.

It's possible that even criminals try, in their own warped way, to show concern and love for those who are close to them. This just further goes to show that they aren't animals; they're humans who've missed the mark on what it means to truly love.

Yet all of us miss that mark. It's easy to love ourselves, but it becomes more difficult to extend that same love to others. We try, but it's awkward and ungainly most of the time. The end result is functional, obviously, but incomplete. Only God can teach us what it means to truly love.

What's my point in all this? I went off on a few tangents, and if you're still with me, I applaud and thank you. My point is that this world is broken. There are people who desensitize themselves to their nature of love for the sake of satiating their selfish desires. It breaks my heart to think about it, but I have hope that some of them may be shown the light and love of Christ, and that they would follow him instead of themselves.

And so what does that mean for me as a Christian and as any other human? As a Christian, it means I am driven to pray for these men (and women) who think life is only about themselves and that it can't be anything more than what they've always seen. It also means that I need to be constantly checking myself and keeping myself in check, so that I'm exercising the love of Christ and others, and not just the love of myself. And as a human, a polite passerby on the street? Well, it means that I need to be able to protect myself efficiently and effectively with only the amount of force necessary for the situation. It means that I need to keep training so that I can learn to control my power and use it to inflict the least amount of harm necessary. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I accept that I may have to in this broken world.

Come, Lord Jesus.