"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (Phil. 1:6, NLT)
Sometimes I'm just in awe of how true this verse is, how amazing it is that God continues to work in me, crafting me to be the person he designed me to be.
This past weekend was the Ladies Retreat at my church, and it was absolutely incredible. The Spirit was there, and he was moving each of us toward a more intimate relationship with him. The topic for the 2-day retreat was "A Call to True Community." Specifically, we talked about being vulnerable with each other and actually living with each other as we are. It seems like it's the default for people to put up walls and hide what they're struggling with, and when everyone does that, no one really knows anyone. That's not what community is supposed to be. And if we can't be honest with ourselves in the relatively safe environment of the church family, how are we going to be honest with the rest of the people in our city? The ones who need to see the hope of Christ through us?
The biggest issue I wound up dealing with during the retreat - and the one God has already been working on intensely for a few weeks now - was trust. Trusting other people to share the burdens I tend to carry by myself and trusting God to show up if I step out on a limb when he says to. There's a lot more work to be done in those areas, but that's not discouraging to me; trust is something I'd say at least 90% of all Christians struggle with their entire lives. So at least I'm in good company.
I do want to share a couple stories with you about what God started doing
immediately to keep me from backing down once I plunked my life down on the table. Some brief background information so these make sense: The idea of getting up to speak in front of a group doesn't scare me until it's time to actually do it, and even when I am okay with it, my voice still shakes (and my hands and the rest of me) while I'm up in front of everyone. Also, I don't usually initiate conversations with people, especially not with strangers; I'm better about it when it's my friends, but it still takes a conscious effort most of the time.
Alright, so the first awesome thing God did was during our last session of the retreat. It was open mic for us to share with the group of ladies what God's been doing in our lives, where he's leading us next, or whatever. The woman who opened the session started us off, and while she was talking I was thinking of all these cool things I could talk about that God was doing with me. After a few plans of what I could say went through my head, I realized I was thinking about me and not God, and started trying to work out what
he wanted me to say. My ideas kind of faded away with that gear shift, and when the woman opened the floor for the next person to come up, I had no idea what I would say. I didn't even know if I was supposed to go up to the mic - I've been in similar situations when I was told
not to go up. And as the seconds dragged on and no one was making a move to get up, I struggled. My heart started beating faster, a knot started tying up my stomach, and I kept thinking, "Is it me? Am I supposed to go up?" In the midst of the silent chaos, I heard a "yes," and I stood (already starting to shake like a leaf). I still had no idea what to say.
That's what made that experience so incredible for me. Because I had no idea what I was going to say, I knew God would speak. I wound up talking about something I hadn't really considered all weekend, but that was tied up in my theme of trust, anyway. It was going out on limbs for God, and trusting him to not let me down when I did. I hope the words I spoke helped someone else there; even if they didn't do much, the act itself did a lot for me.
After the retreat ended and everything was cleaned up and put away, I had a brief break before working a night shift at Zoes. And wouldn't you know it? God had plans to put me to work there, too. All the Front of House employees were getting tasks, things they could do to improve areas they weren't as strong in. I found out later that one of my friends was tasked with selling at least 3 sports cups (big, refillable, Zoes cups) per shift for the week. But when the manager for the night called me aside when I came in for my shift, I didn't know what to expect. He told me about the task thing, and said I do really well with the physical aspect of the job - making sure tables are bused and cleaned, running food, etc. - but not so much with making connections and relationships with the customers. Of course not! Why would I start a conversation with a stranger when I had work to do?
I had to smile, though. This manager had hit the nail on the head. And the task he assigned me for the next 3 weeks, starting that Saturday? Start at least 3 conversations with customers, either over the counter or at their tables, for every shift I work. At the end of the shift, recap the conversations directly with the manager on hand or write them down and leave them. I found the whole thing extremely humorous and timely, since I'd just finished attending a seminar on building relationships and community AND talked about going out of my comfort zone when I'm called to do so. The task may have come from the mouth of a Zoes manager, but it was straight from God! And you know what I've found since I started that task? People are really cool. And I hope this assignment will give me the practice I need to do this kind of thing on a regular basis, no matter where I am.
Anyway, that's what God has been doing with me lately. I'm excited to see what he'll do next. :)
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jer. 29:11, NLT)
