"I Don't Mind, and It Doesn't Matter"

I've heard the phrase "mind over matter" innumerable times, and the distortion of that phrase countless more times: "I don't mind and you don't matter." That's a pretty rude thing to say to someone, in my opinion (whether you actually say it to them or not), but it does make a good point. If something doesn't matter, then why should you mind?

This is where I found myself Saturday morning when my manager called and woke me up from my very busy schedule of sleeping in and asked if I could come wash dishes.

I've washed the dishes at Zoes before. It's not much fun. You come in and there's already a mountain of pots and pans that the kitchen's been using to make the food for the day. Like, carve out your own walking path kind of mountain. Check to see if something's a load-bearing pot/pan before you move kind of mountain.

But, I learned something very valuable from that first time, and it carried over into this venture.

It only sucks as much as you let it.

It's true. Once I realized this really wasn't the worst thing in the world and working extra hours was not a huge inconvenience, the rest of the shift went by surprising well. Not being in a bad mood tends to do that.

Anyway, I took that attitude into work this past Saturday. And guess what? There was still a mountain of pots and pans. But guess what else? It didn't suck. I actually - dare I say it - almost had fun.

Which brings me back to the mind over matter thing. How much do we let things put us in a bad mood? Why should we make things harder on ourselves? It is what it is, and mentally fighting it only makes it suck more than it would if you accepted it.

Are you making something a bigger deal than it has to be? See if you can identify which of your stressful situations can be eased by a mindset adjustment. It's remarkable what can happen when you don't pay it as much mind. And it's certainly not limited to the next time you get stuck doing the dishes!

Move Along

I had the immense joy of taking a mini-vacation to Birmingham for almost 4 days this past weekend. Caught up with friends at the dojo, my old church, and my alma mater, Samford University. It was great to see folks again - I've got a lot of "family" down in Birmingham, and it was high time to pay them all a visit. I hope to do it again soon.

One of my suitemates and close friends from my senior year still lives in the room we had, so I was able to stay on campus with her. My time on campus was the same as it always was, in some respects, but also completely other. When I first drove in the main gates, I displayed my old ID card (which I kept for just such purposes), but I needn't have bothered; as usual, our campus safety barely glanced at it before waving me through.

The drive to my old dorm was surreal. I was driving the old familiar paths, breaking the traffic rules I always used to when I would get on campus late at night, but I was keenly aware that this was not my home anymore. Everything was as it had been while I was there, except me. I was a visitor now. It was a very strange feeling.

The next morning, I got up early and visited a class one of my favorite professors from my major was teaching: Introduction to Philosophy. My professor hasn't changed a bit, and neither has the curriculum material, just me. I still thoroughly enjoyed listening to the lesson - Intro still ranks as one of my favorite philosophy classes - but I know where everything's going, and I'm not going there with the others in the class. No more money on my card for the Caf or the Food Court, no access to the university WiFi, and so on. But I know where everything is, I know who most of the workers are, I know where to park... I know my old home.

I met with my former advisor to chat and catch up, and he described that surreal feeling as being ousted. It's like you've been shut out. I see where he's coming from, and there's definitely that feeling that the world forgot to stop turning while I was away, but I wouldn't say I've been shut out from the world I had in Birmingham, but it doesn't include me anymore. I'm welcome to visit, but I'm not a resident.

The thing that I found particularly interesting about this development in my life is how it affected my sense of responsibility. Outside of those old comfortable places, I'm now responsible for continuing what I started with them. I'm responsible for using what they gave me and making something of myself, to honor their sacrifice and input in my life. I didn't feel that weight when I was in school, because I was still in preparation.

I guess you could think of it as still being in the womb, where everything is still growing and getting ready for the outside world. I'm still learning how to deal with things now that I'm out here, but I think realizing where I am is a step in the right direction.

There's a phrase we use a lot in the Bujinkan (the martial art I study), which means something like, "keep up the good work" or "keep going." The term is used as encouragement, as a promise, as a dedication or a battle cry.

To myself and all the other recent college grads who are out on their own, ganbatte kudosai!!

Who's in Charge Here?

My previous post talked about defending yourself and others in a public, work, or home environment. I concluded with thoughts on coordinating with the people around you so that there's a plan of action in the event that there is a gunman, fire, tornado, or some other emergency. In the process of thinking about communicating with my coworkers and family about plans of action, I came across a little conundrum.

As a young woman who has a basic knowledge of how to defend herself, what is my responsibility to others?

Men are supposed to be the protectors, and they all seem to have that instinct (with the exception of sociopaths). Do I stand aside and allow them to handle the situation, even if I have more theoretical practice with it? (By theoretical practice, I mean practice in a controlled setting versus experience in real life.) Similar situation with my mom. It's just me and her living at home - plus my sister, when she's home from college - but who takes charge when there's an emergency? I have training, but she's the parent.

The first example is primarily subject to gender roles and trust. It's easier to feel where I'm supposed to be when the guys I'm with are ones I train with and trust, the ones I know can effectively protect the ones behind them. With those men, I feel perfectly comfortable letting them take the lead in protection. However, the line is more blurred with guy friends I don't know as well. I don't know what they're capable of or what they'll do under that kind of pressure. With them, my instinct is to either stand alongside them or even in front of them. Should I stand back anyway and take care of anyone behind us? Or take charge and tell them to tend to any others?

The situation with my mom is particularly tricky. She's a very strong woman when she needs to be, and I'm sure she'd want to address a threat to us and keep me out of the way. But whereas she has the maternal protection instincts, I have training. Do I let the mother protect the grown child or do what I can to keep us both safe?

This is confusing for me, so if you have any thoughts on this, I'd appreciate the feedback. Thank you.

Self-Defense and Defense of Others

This past weekend I attended a self-defense seminar. It was an awesome time, and we all learned some very useful principles of self-defense. It got me thinking about some things I can do to improve my own chances out there in the world - mostly just a more tactical mindset for clothing and ideas for good weapons to carry. I still refuse to carry a gun on principle, but I might add an asp (collapsible baton) to my pocket knife for regular carry, if I can pull it off.

One of the things emphasized during the seminar was the issue of legality. You get used to hearing "break the elbow," "kick the head," "clap the ears," and other similar things during normal martial arts training. But laws usually don't look to kindly on that kind of thing, unless you really had no other choice. We were encouraged to check the rules and laws for where it's okay to carry what kind of weapons, too. I'm wearing my pocket knife more regularly when I go out, now, so I decided to check the Zoes employee handbook to see if I could carry it there, too. Turns out I can't. No surprise there, though. I don't think I'd want employees carrying personal weapons, either.

What I did not see were any rules or company policies for if someone comes in to rob the store or just shoot the place up. Common sense is sufficient for the former - just give them the money. Lives are more important than money. But I wanted to know if there was some rule against engaging a gunman, because of the news stories I've heard of employees neutralizing a threat and then getting fired. (Thinking about it now, I don't think I'd care if I got fired in that situation.) When I asked, my manager said there's no rule saying you'll be penalized for engaging an attacker. He also gave me a very strange look for asking a question like that, lol.

I don't know how other companies handle that kind of thing, but it seems to me there ought to at least be some clear guidelines in the handbook in the event that a gunman comes in. Shouldn't that have been covered in some kind of safety training course? And why wouldn't they have a course like that when training new employees? I don't even know what the protocol is for a fire or tornado! I've got a good idea of what I should do for myself, and what could be done to protect the customers, but there's been no employee training on the matter.

Same thing in my own home. I know the drill for tornadoes - you get used to it after a few years - but what about a robber? Or a fire?

It's not difficult to plot out a course of action for yourself in various scenarios, but you still have to practice it. Communicating with your family, friends, and coworkers about what to do in different situations is harder, because you have to coordinate. It's possible that they'll think you're "that guy" who's a little paranoid, but would you rather they not know what to do when something comes up? I'll probably be talking to my manager more about a safety course for employees, for everyone's sake. What will you do?

Just some food for thought.